Don't get aggravated when others annoy you. Things will not always go your way. An important lesson that I learned from someone's mother whose name I can't recall is that I should never try to teach a cow to sing. It doesn't work and it will surely aggravate the cow. The lesson here is to "let cows be cows." (Michele Davis LCSW). When we admit that cows moo, we can avoid irritating them and disappointing ourselves.
Many people in our lives are predictable. We tend to know how they are going to act and we tend to predict the kinds of things they say. My daughter-in-law seldom answers the telephone. It is about time that I get used to that. My brother does things that reflect an entirely different lifestyle than my own. He always will. My daughter-in-law states that she doesn't like me. This is not likely to change. I am learning to let it be. I have a daughter who has transposed from a misbehaving kid into a serious, sophisticated adult woman with whom I always feel comfortable seeking advice. I know these peoples' patterns and what to expect of them...but even when they act like I know they will act, I find myself thinking that "I just can't believe that a particular sentence was uttered or that a particular incident happened. I remain surprised when my daughter-in-law doesn't answer the phone. I keep wondering how my brother lives in 2 or 3 houses and enjoys travelling from one to another. When my previously naughty daughter gives me insightful advice, I find myself wondering about the source of her wisdom. "Was this the little girl I carried?" Was she hiding this from me? So even when I know what behavior to expect, I find myself wondering from whence it came. I have difficulty believing that my once troublesome daughter is a brilliantly behaved young woman. Should my daughter-in-law ever speak in a friendly manner, it will likely feel impossible for me to accept because I am certain the it will be a premier to a continuing relationship disaster. If my brother spends time renting an apartment, I will definitely assume that there must be something wrong with him.
I have to do what we all have to do and believe what is happening instead of the predictable circumstance I had been expecting. People really can change. All of us are package deals. Sometimes we are predictable and wonderful and sometimes our presentations are not so easy to accept. We can think about the irritating characteristics of other people's personalities and try to change moos into songs or we can think about their loving qualities and frost our relationships with the delightful aspects of these relationships.
I will share an example of how I practice acceptance instead of aggravation. One friend, she was called Judy, was instinctive, open and genuine. The breeze just had to caress her hair and she was always fashionably lovely without even trying. I have had another friend, James, who is deep and serious and who always made plans far in advance. He marks his calendar in ink. Although I find James need for structure restrictive, I pay attention to his sense of organization and the many things I can learn from his approach. Judy, on the other hand, laughs out loud a lot and giggles when last minute plans fall through.
I don't try to make James or Judy moo instead of sing because I love both of their songs. "Do ask yourself if you try to spend too much time trying to change things that are unchangeable rather than asking yourself what is good in your life and the people around you." (Michele Davis) People do the best they can. When they know better, they do better - and that goes for all of us.
One of these days I would welcome the opportunity to meet Michele Davis, the social worker whose ideas and words have enriched my life. Let them enrich yours as well.