How often do I hear that above sentence as a justification for one's behaviors. That erroneous conclusion is built on the assumption that our personal characteristics are glued into our personalities. If we believe this, it can be difficult to improve. Examples follow:
"I'm just a depressed person."
"I'm just a nervous wreck most of the time."
"I have an anger problem that can't be fixed...just like my dad."
"I have never been able to learn and it's too late now."
"I'm not a good looking gal."
"I don't know anything about cooking."
"People are not attracted to me; I'm not very likable."
Theodore Roosevelt suggested that, with self discipline, most anything is possible. How right he was. For us to make changes in things like the above falsehoods, we must use that self discipline to focus on changes which we want to experience. This is not always an easy task. Once we have labeled ourselves, we tend to live up to the label without ever considering its inadequacy...without ever asking "When did I make this decision and who was the one who encouraged me to do so? Was this person really wise enough to realistically characterize my strengths and weaknesses? Could this person have been viewing personal character flaws and projecting them on to me to avoid self knowledge or insight?
We can improve the falsehoods we have been taught to believe. It takes a great deal of motivation, work and time. We have to look at our real selves in the mirror while consistently recognizing that we remain a work in progress. When we do this, we can always have the pleasure of finding out how much we can change and grow over time.
What are the labels you have pasted on yourself using someone else's glue? You can be helped to look yourself over while reaching for and accomplishing change that you never thought was possible. As long as you live, you can keep learning and changing your personal truth.
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TEN WAYS TO IMPROVE YOUR SENSE OF PERSONAL WORTH
1. List the negative thoughts you have about yourself and, one by one, ask yourself if they are actually your own evaluations or have you borrowed them from others who may not be capable of focusing on you correctly.
2. Take good care of your health. Recognize that you deserve a wholesome life.
3. Learn to relax. Even the most normal life is stressful. Stress absolutely affects the condition of your brain, your heart and your recovery from illness.
4. Write down the ways in which you would like to live an improved social, personal and spiritual life.
5. Be of assistance to someone else. Being helpful to others is, in some ways, a good/selfish behavior as it increases your own sense of self respect.
6. Look at yourself from a distance. I often help my clients to imagine themselves as characters in a play being presented in a theater. It becomes interesting to watch self criticism become a source of amusement or insight.
7. Do new things that you have not done previously. Begin a new hobby. Read different books. Seek out companions whose beliefs and goals may be different than your own.
8. Enjoy adoring yourself. Write a list of your qualities. Include compliments you have received from others.
9. Write love letters to yourself that detail the self admiration that you have but generally fail to express.
10. Surround yourself with other people who like and admire you.
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AND, FINALLY, REPEAT AFTER ME:
I am amazing and astonishing.
I am brilliant and beautiful.
I am clever, courageous and caring.
I am fabulous, funny and giving.
I am happy, loving and lovable.
I am outstanding and sexy.
I am terrific, tantalizing and totally wonderful.
I am unique and special and, importantly, I AM ME!
OK. Great. Now say it again.