"One of the greatest gifts you can give yourself is to forgive everybody."
Maya Angelou
Forgiveness is to excuse people for something they have done to cause us pain. Excusing is not an easy action. It is difficult, but, it is a great deal easier than being filled with resentment. When you are able to forgive someone, you can let go of past pains. You will experience feelings of freedom when you decide to drop the heavy sack of anger, fury and bitterness. As you do this, you can move away from past agony. Forgiveness has nothing to do with who is at fault. It simply has to do with letting go of resentment completely. You can remember what has happened, but, you will no longer let it dominate your life. Once you clear the anger slate, you can move forward.
Hanging onto resentment is a heavy burden that is unnecessary. We have all been hurt by the behavior of someone else. Maybe you parents have criticized you without cause. Maybe your spouse has betrayed you. Maybe your children have hurt you with their behaviors. Maybe you have been emotionally abused, but, you will pay a high price for your lasting bitterness and you will not be able to experience the peace and hope that will give you a sense of well being.
So, how can you get from resentment and feelings of revenge to understanding, compassion and peace? Recognize that you do not have to hold onto grudges. If you do, you are allowing the person who hurt you to continue controlling your life. Know that holding on to past anger robs you of future joy. You will continue feeling sad and tense with less ability to be close to others. Think about who in your life needs to be forgiven. Your therapist can help you to be aware of your feelings - as well as the harm which these feelings are causing you.
Know that you no longer have to see yourself as a victim so that the person who has hurt you will not have control of you any longer. Try to look at the situation from another person's point of view. Maybe you will be able to understand the reasons for the activities that left you feeling angry. Know that the one whom you forgive may not change. The important point is the you will change .
I watched an interview that Oprah Winfrey had with Mitch Albom, a previous sports writer turned author and philosopher. Mitch spoke of his talks with Morrie Schwartz, his sociology professor at Brandeis University. Morrie was dying of ALS. Because Morrie was facing death, Mitch asked him to talk about the greatest lesson he could share. Without thinking for more than seconds, Morrie answered by advising, "Forgive everybody everything." He subsequently died in peace.