THERE ARE MANY PEOPLE WHO ASSUME THAT WHEN ONE SPOUSE HAS CHEATED ON ANOTHER, THEIR MARRIAGE IS OVER. THIS IS NOT NECESSARILY SO, HOWEVER. WHAT IS ALWAYS TRUE, THOUGH, IS THAT GETTING BACK TO A HARMONIOUS RELATIONSHIP WILL ALWAYS BE DIFFICULT. "COUPLES DO AND CAN STAY TOGETHER AFTER AN AFFAIR, BUT, IT TAKES A LOT OF WORK TO REPAIR BROKEN TRUST." (DAVID KLOW - SKYLIGHT COUNSELING - CHICAGO.)
THERE ARE FIVE FACTORS THAT MAKE IT MORE LIKELY THAT A COUPLE MAY BE ABLE TO BREATHE NEW LIFE INTO THEIR DAMAGED CONNECTION:
1. THE PEOPLE WHO CHEATED MUST COMMIT TO NEVER AGAIN HAVE TO CONTACT WITH THE PERSON WITH WHOM THEY CHEATED.
2. THE VICTIM OF INFIDELITY SHOULD BE ABLE TO ASK AS MANY QUESTIONS AS WANTED ABOUT THE DETAILS OF THE CHEATING. THE VICTIM WILL HAVE MANY STRONG FEELINGS RELATED TO THE BETRAYAL AND THESE FEELINGS SHOULD BE EXPRESSED AS FULLY AND AS OFTEN AS NEEDED BY THE EMOTIONALLY INJURED.
3. THE CHEATER MUST BE TOTALLY HONEST ABOUT THE NATURE OF THE CHEATING. THIS SHOULD INCLUDE EMAILS, CELL PHONE MESSAGES, AND ANYTHING ELSE THAT THE BETRAYED PARTNER NEEDS TO BEGIN FEELING A RENEWED SENSE OF TRUST. THE PERSON WHO CHEATED SHOULD MAKE ALL EMAIL, PASSWORDS, AND TELEPHONE MESSAGES AVAILABLE TO THE VICTIM OF BETRAYAL.
4. TROUBLESOME RELATIONSHIP ISSUES THAT MAY HAVE UNDERLINED THE CHEATING SHOULD BE THOROUGHLY EXPLORED.
5. EACH PERSON HAS TO COME UP WITH A LIST OF THINGS THAT CAN BE DONE TO REKINDLE THE INTENSE EMOTION IN THE EARLY RELATIONSHIP.
THERE ARE SEVEN OTHER FACTORS THAT SUGGEST THAT A DAMAGED RELATIONSHIP MAY BE BEYOND SAVING:
1. THE SPOUSE WHO BETRAYS REFUSES TO EXPRESS REMORSE OR APOLOGIZE.
2. A SPOUSE INVOLVED WITH DISLOYALTY REFUSES TO HAVE COUNSELING....THE GREATEST RESOURCE TO SAVING A RELATIONSHIP.
3. A SPOUSE AGREES TO COUNSELING BUT ONLY DOES SO WITH INSINCERITY.
4. THE SPOUSE WHO CHEATED STAYS IN TOUCH WITH A FORMER LOVER.
5. A PARTNER WILL AGREE TO IDEAS GIVEN BY ANOTHER BUT DOES NOT COME UP WITH NEW INDIVIDUAL SUGGESTIONS.
6. DISHONESTY IS A RELATIONSHIP PATTERN. WHEN DECEIT IN A MARRIAGE IS COMMON, THE REESTABLISHMENT OF TRUST IS UNLIKELY.
7. THE MARITAL CHEATER BLAMES THE SPOUSE FOR DESPICABLE INFIDELITY.
"A HAPPY MARRIAGE IS THE UNION OF TWO GOOD FORGIVERS."
Robert Quillen