Last year we were exchanging gifts, singing carols, watching favorite holiday movies, and wishing all joy with hugs and kisses. This year someone is missing - maybe more than one someone. The holidays are unbearable as hopelessness replaces joy and tears replace ribbons. After the death of a loved one, each day feels more unendurable than the one before. There is no way to make it pretty. There is no way to "get it together." There is no place for making believe that something is true which is not. There is only one way to spell GONE. There is only one way to spell DEAD. There is only one way to sob. There are a few ways to grieve and feel sorrow. The knocks on our doors are not always Santa Claus. It is sometimes Ebenezer Scrooge.
There are 5 myths that are typically trumpeted or declared..:
1. Loves cures all...BALDERDASH.
2. You could have done something to prevent death...not unless your name is Christ.
3. It is disrespectful to experience pleasure while you grieve.
4. You can cry too much - impossible. You are finished when you are finished.
5. You no longer have a relationship with someone who is dead. You feel pain, hopelessness love, and anger. Those feelings don't go away. They walk beside us every day - unseen, unheld.
Why did this happen? It is possible that you will never know and there are often multiple reasons. You will come to accept that you will never know. You will come to recognize that you are no longer whole in previous ways. You will also come to know that your loved one is still a part of you even while you feel like you are dreaming and will never wake up.
As you mourn, there are 10 adaptations that can nurture you:
1, Talk to friends and family.
2, Perform rituals in memory of your loved one.
3. Do at least 1 thing during each day that is just for you.
4. Ask for support.
5. Don't be a martyr. Tell people you hurt.
6. Acknowledge your depression.
7. Find a reading or a poem that is meaningful to you.
8. Have a Christmas drink. Know your limit.
9. Know that it is not disrespectful to have fun.
10. Celebrate taking control of your day.
"GRIEF IS THE LAST ACT OF LOVE."