You know someone who has lost a loved one. You are now nervous about what to say, how to say it, what to do and how to do it. Your fears about saying or doing the wrong thing are common. Know that your own uneasiness is normal. When you are with someone who is grieving, keep the following in mind:
* Be there to listen - not to talk.
* Don't expect a common reaction. We all grief differently - some with tears, some with laughter, some with silence,
* Don't ask "What can I do for you?" Just do it. Buy groceries. Prepare meals. Call others.
* Listen. Listen. Listen to the pain of the one who is grieving without sharing your own agonizing
memories. Acknowledge how painful it feels without trying to fix or take away the pain. Tell the
grieving person how awful it is.
* Find a group of other people who are going through the same loss.
* Focus on more than the good things about the deceased. Discuss the difficulties, the silly things.
* Know that cards and flowers are not always helpful. These small gestures can be appreciated, but
mostly your grieving friends or family need support. Help the one who is grieving by being present
and persistent
* Offer to get the grieving person out of the house.
* Don't try to avoid the subject of sorrow.
* Leave out overused phrases like "I'm sorry for you loss."
* Never say, "He's in a better place,"
* Do not compare the loss of of a love one with the death of a pet.
* Help the ones who are grieving to know that grief is survivable, Go with them to sign a death
certificate. This can be an unbearably painful experience.
* Go to the funeral. It is comforting to know that there are many people to see off the lost of a loved
one.
* Help the bereaved to laugh. Tell them about your silly day. The minutiae of life can be comforting.
* Stay in a relaxed position and maintain eye contact.
* Listen attentively and don't respond too quickly.
* Reach out to the grieving on the birthdays, dates of death and anniversaries.
Having been on both sides now, it feels urgent to me to share this advice.