Several times weekly clients ask me how to act when they feel angry. How easy it is to see that we all have our breaking points when we want to yell, scream, cry or do them all at once. I have suggestions based on research, advice of others and recall of things that have worked for me. Here are my top ten:
1. Don't take pills or use alcohol to try reducing your anger. These things may cloud your judgment and even increase your hostility. When the situation calms down you will feel less able to cope with the situation that made you angry in the first place.
2. Tell yourself that angry feelings are normal. If you are angry, feel it. Don't deny your feelings. Let them come so that you will eventually be able to let them go.
3. Explore what has made you angry. Sometimes it helps to write down what has happened that has made you feel so angry. It may be a recent situation or historical baggage which you haven't previously managed.
4. Don't consider trying to harm the person who has hurt you. Revenge is never helpful. While this restraint may not bring you an immediate sense of peace, it is the right thing to do. Karma will act on its own.
5. Try to focus on what you can learn from the interactions that have left you feeling angry. Focus on positive feelings and spiritual growth.
6. Try to put yourself in the place of the person who hurt you. Try to understand what motivation may have been involved. Ask yourself what you may have done if the situation and roles were reversed.
7. Forgive. This does not mean that you have to forget what happened. You can remember but you don't have to let your memories rule your behaviors.
8. Get some exercise. Go for a walk or get to the gym. Do something that may be outside of your comfort zone. The distraction will feel beneficial.
9. Don't respond for at least a day. "Time heals all wounds" is not just an expression. It often works.
10. Watch something funny on television. Humor heals and it will help you to relax.
"For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind." - Ralph Waldo Emerson