THE IMPORTANCE OF FRIENDSHIP

We often tell our patients to make contact with friends and maintain an active social life in order to help themselves cope with depressed moods and anxiety. This does work very well for many people who find that pals work better than pills for managing mood disorders.

There are other people, however, who have difficulty following these suggestions because they experience significant social discomfort. They feel shy and have few social interactions. They feel anxious when they are around others and are particularly anxious when they try to interact with people who are not well known to them.

You may be one of these people with social anxiety which will make you feel a lack of confidence in yourself. You will try to avoid situations involving contact with others. This will affect your feelings in social, family, work and community settings. You may also feel frightened about possibly making mistakes or you may be fearful of saying something foolish. You will sometimes feel an increased heart rate, sweating, a dry mouth, muscle tension or shakiness.

Your therapist can assess the nature of your social discomfort symptoms and help you to identify specific situations that bring on your tension. She can also talk to you about how you may overestimate negative remarks by others and can assign reading about overcoming shyness and social phobia. Particular articles about shame may be quite helpful. Your therapist can help you to identify, and overcome, self-defeating thoughts. You will learn to better manage social difficulties by using healthier self-talk. Most likely, you will be assigned exercises which will help you create reality based alternatives.

Once you are feeling well, a "booster session" every few months can help you to maintain your progress.
I also use Winnie-the-Pooh's ideas about the importance of friendship as motivation: "If you live to be 100 years old, I want to be 100 minus one day so that I never have to live without you."

Contact me any time for therapy and coaching.

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