One of the kids with whom I went to grade school won a national spelling bee, was known as a local genius and eventually became a writer for one of the most prestigious newspapers in the world. Another classmate was a concert pianist and another became a distinguished, influential surgeon. My own grades were pretty damned high when I attended a "Big Ten" University. I studied to be a translator with plans to work for the united nations. We all had an unreasonable character trait in common. Each one of us was self-critical and shared the feelings that "If I had only tried harder, I might be a more impressive success. I could have been more accomplished than I am today."
Are you doing what I am doing right now? I am comparing myself to others and to dreams that never came true. I would feel better if I stopped the comparisons but I will have a hard time doing this. You will have the same tough time. The best way to cope with the comparison problem is to be aware that you are doing this and the situations that encourage your thought process.
1. Are you angry that people you know have achieved more than you have?
2. Are you ashamed that you are not everything you dreamed you could be?
3. Do you spend a lot of time thinking about your deficiencies?
4. Do you feel like you should be more skillful and talented than you are?
5. Do you assume that others have had more advantages than you?
If you are answering "yes" to any of the above questions, stop it now. Do not rob yourself of respect, recognition of your own achievements or the fact that you are needed,valued and heard. Catch yourself in the act of self criticism so that you can be more aware of how your self-judgment weakens you. When you do catch yourself, try laughing instead of moping. Trashing ourselves unnecessarily is really more silly than serious.
Work at recalling the teachers who have praised you, the friends who have valued your company and the people who have told you about the positive differences you have made in their lives.
"Remember you have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn't worked."
Louise Hay